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My friend told me I could be a model.. I looked at her with the strangest look,  ( she knows about my ed? ) And I was like, even with all of this, shes like a size 0.. and shes like Lol, yeah, your beautiful… o-o

That was one of the best comments I’ve ever gotten, But im damn shocked.

jadoremodeles:

• i will pick the winner! NO POLLS!
• must be following me
• reblog once only & no likes
• winner will be picked 4pm November 1st (Melbourne, Australia Time)

• winner will:
  be promoted every day that week
  have their own link on my blog for the week
  have promo for promo’s whenever during that week to 6600+ followers
  be added to my favourites 

gymjunkieperfectme:

now i just feel fat and full all the time because i know i should eat 

but i dont like it 

i’d rather just starve myself 

i’d rather actually nearly feel light headed 

i’d rather feel empty and hungry

and live off coffee water

at least then i know I wouldn’t be getting any fatter 

I would only be staying the same 

and working out 

- Yesterday I binged, terribley because my mom me and my my boyfriend had movie night, tonight halloween.. And all i really want to do is never look at sweets again! -

- My dream last night, was fantastic! My and my boyfriend drove to New york, we planed on moving there. We didnt get all the way in just yet, so we got a hotel room. ( Dont reamber much affter that ) . The next day, me and my best friend K walked down to starbucks close by, i got a pettie vinilla scone, the lady hated uss, because we didnt know how to understand the prices ( everything was differnt?!  ) . Affter this, we walked around New york, with my love and then we got ready to crash some schools prom? So we did that, the guy at the gate gave us a full body hand serch thing, it was sooo weird. ( dont reamber much affter that ) That  night, me and my boyfriend cuddled, he wanted to have sex, and i was just like I just want too hold u :( and he was like -.- the whole time. So the next day, I went to a new school/grocey store?  Well i called it schooll, and when they opeped the doors, it was a grocery store, so i was like whatever.. So I bought chicken for dinner, for me and my love. And I got Kubochie or w.e i dont reamber what it was called, it was this 0 calorie popcorn, that i hate a hugee bad off! Affter takeing that home, I went to this event, basicly it was social unstable kids, with other people helping them with there home work. So i let my best friend K work with them, as I stood in the sidelines, then affter I joined in, i talked to each one, streight in the face, i reconized a few.. But one of them was this extreamly underweight young girl. She looked at me shes like, Im hungry… and then looked down. I was like OMG I NEEDA GET THIS GIRL FOOD! So , i ran to my friend and im like can that girl eat over there in class? and shes like lol yeah, shes allowed to have Kubochie.. and i reamber this blank look i gave her.. and i toke a cup of it over to her.. and she was heart broken. Affter class, i asked her if that was the only thing she could eat and she admited that, it was the only thing her parents let her eat. God i was heart broken…

Gosh that is a long ass dream..! Well, i miss E, hes still not up and has a 5 page paper do. So i better start my math until he gets up.-

So todays goal, is to not go over bored on the candy, try to skip as much as i can, because i have ballet today, and i never eat before ballet, unless its a binge. And affter I plan on getting my halloween clothes on in the car, and meeting the love of my life ,to go trick or treating, haha… I feel bad for him to have to deal with mee X)

I feel crazy for wanting a baby so young, but the real reason I do, is because I want to witness a inocent life, and make it stay that way, make it stay good. Dont let the world ruin it, like its ruined every other damn person in this screwed up world.

But i know that cant happen

One day…

I know ill be going on lots of vacations when im old, because instead of spending 100 dollers a month on food like most people ill be putting 100 dollers in savings to go to a new country,

A bowl of special K choclet delight cereal - 100?

A bowl of milk - 50 ?

Some potato and egg white thing I made for my mom - 75?

225

I should be good til dinner.

xoxo

- Panda -

Here it goes, going to do this today. I know I can do this today, My tummy is already growling, its 11am and havent ate one thing… Debating if i should eat lunch or eat dinner today.

so you’ve been awake for a few minutes now. thinking about what you ate yesterday. the stupid, stupid mistakes that you would love to go back and change. the calories that didn’t make you any happier. that extra digit that showed up on the scale. so you’re going to do what? sit on tumblr all day staring at the pictures of the girls that you wish you could be? read the blogs of girls who are succeeding? try to not eat for a few hours and then give into your depression? NO. you will achieve it. screw that scale. screw the people who told you you weren’t worth it. screw the food sitting in the pantry, the fridge, the stores, the restaurants. ladies, it’s day 1 of no more binges. day 1 of consistent pound loss. day 1 of sore abs, legs, and butts. count ahead a few days. where are you? day 30 of the guys noticing you. day 47 of proving your family wrong. day 59 of your skinny friends not lying when they call you pretty. day 70 of not being embarrassed in dressing rooms. day 82 of everyone asking if you’ve lost weight. day 95 of shopping in the small sizes. day 110 of people picking you up to give you hugs without thinking you’re too heavy. day 123 of feeling the jealousy of other girls looking at you. day 132 of being somebody else’s thinspo. you can’t get to those days without having a day 1. and those dates may seem far away, but think about this: day 2 includes being happy with your choices from the day before.

No im not fucking okay, I plan on not eatting tomrrow, laying in bed all day.. Avoiding every instance of food i can, because im tired of being like this, im tired of pictureing this, im tired of looking at other people I want to be the one people look at for once. In a good way.